Looking at Fear

As I sit on this couch, in this air conditioned room, in this spacious house, on a paved road, in a popular city, in a free country, I wonder.

I wonder about those who don’t have what I have. Sometimes, I complain to get things, and mind you, they are usually not essential. I complain for ice cream or for a tablet or for a phone. Other people complain for water, morsels to eat, and basic clothes. These people would think I live the life of luxury, while I think people like Bill Gates do. I sometimes feel poor when I see some of my friends’ houses or their cars. But reality is, I am rich. The ability to live in a house or to be able to practice my faith freely makes me richer than many.

We tend to not look at life like that. In ways that twist our point of view. We often see ourselves as the victims, but in reality, we have it easy. We don’t wake up with the fear of wondering if we will be kidnapped or killed. We don’t sleep with the fear of wondering if we will wake up. We don’t say our goodbyes to our family every night like it’s our last. We don’t fast everyday because it’s easier to do than eat meals. We don’t “diet” with the fear that losing weight can cause deaths. We don’t cry until our bodies lack water. We don’t get sick with the fear of knowing there are no cures. We don’t fear losing family members by the day. And we don’t live with the fear of exposing ourselves since we have no clothes.

They have all these hardships and yet they thrive. They should be our inspiration. They live in constant fear and still go day by day. There are no counselors or therapists, just families comforting one another. Praying it’ll be okay. You know what, one day, it really will. When? No one knows. Until then, all we can do is give our undying support.  Stand by them in their time of need and pray that they receive what they need. If we consider ourselves just, then we need to show this justice.

To be honest, these people inspire me. They may think I am rich, but truly, they are the ones who are. They have wisdom and rely on God to do what’s right. They don’t let the fears of the world stop them, a practice we should all adopt.

 

Inner Struggles

We’re all battling something, struggling with something, something inside that stops us from being who we are. It stops us from living how we want and from breathing a sigh of relief once in a while. It builds a wall around us and we can’t help but feel suffocated, feel as though we’re being closed in. This wall may be the most brittle, but the isolation it has brought us makes us weaker than we’d like to believe.

This battle can be influenced by our own faults, actions of others, and society’s expectations of others. Everyone has a different battle, a different way of handling it, and different way of responding to it. I’ve had my fair share of struggles, and I try my hardest to suppress them. I sometimes put on a smile when I’m made fun of, but inside, I feel hurt. To be honest, a lot of it has to do with the way I look. I often wonder if people around me are embarrassed with the way I look. They think I don’t notice when they avoid taking pictures with me or make excuses. They don’t think I don’t notice that they accidentally forget to post the pictures I’m in. But I do notice, and it stings.

My appearance has been a struggle for me longer than I can remember.  Everyone believes I am confident- I mean to an extent I am- but the truth is my body image is holding it back. I mean I know some people can embrace it and all the power to them, but not me.

At the end of the day, its all about my priorities. Will I make this struggle show or keep it inside, not even embracing it for myself? It’s me against myself. All it takes is will, determination, and support for me, my happiness, and my health.

Has there been anything bothering you? If so, take a piece of paper write your problems on it and rip the paper. Not only does it let you vent, it let’s you release anger.

My Top 5 TV Shows of 2014

So 2014 was an interesting year for t.v. watchers. We got some new shows and lost some old ones. A lot of people are surprised to hear how many tv shows I keep up with, but let’s be honest, TV is an outlet of relief. All the complicated plot twists, characters, reveals, and drama do get stressful, but its worth it when you see the finale. (Yes, I usually make very uninspiring things deeper than they will ever be.)

So my Top TV shows of the year:

  1. How to Get Away With Murder (drama/mystery) If you’re not watching this, you’re missing out. Annalise is the role model you didn’t realize you needed.
  2. The Mindy Project (comedy/romance) It’s cute and has the quirkiest characters (Morgan and Tamra).
  3. Undateable (comedy) It may have some really corny humor and may get a bit weird, but I’ve never laughed so hard.
  4. Red Band Society (drama) I dream of becoming an oncologist, so this show really inspired me.
  5. Cristela (comedy) It’s cute and it’s definitely a show I can watch with my mom, who I must say loves Cristela’s mom’s character.

So those are my top 5 shows. Many of them feature strong female and diverse characters. I love shows with characters of different ethnicities, race, health, and appearance. We’ve come a long way from tv only showing white males and sexualizing all the women (which many ads still do), but there’s still more to go. I hope to see a Muslim woman on a tv show or who knows, I really hope Sheldon Cooper could make a surprise appearance on Undateable.

Oppression

Oh how many times I’ve heard this word used to describe women like me. You see, I’m a Muslim woman and if I had a dime for every time I heard “All Muslim women are oppressed”, I’d be rich. There’s a problem with that though, it’s not true. I’m a Muslim women, and I’m not oppressed.
Don’t get me wrong, I know where the idea stems from. Many people think since we have to cover up, we are oppressed in expressing ourselves. Let me tell you something, all the Muslim women I know, cover what and as much as they want to based on what they want. Some wear the hijab (headscarf) and some don’t. Some wear an abayah (long dress) and some where pants. It doesn’t really matter. We’re just like everyone else. We make our own rules.
Especially in the Western countries, Muslim women run their lives as they wish. Other places, I wish the same could be said. There are cultural minorities everywhere that enforce very conservative views of covering the face or having their women not work. (That’s a rant waiting to come out.)
I would advise anyone reading to take things with a grain of salt. I’m not the mainstream example of a Muslim women, and so I want to educate you all of what it should be. Just because I cover doesn’t mean someone forced me.  Muslim women as a whole group aren’t all oppressed.  Don’t believe what you’ve heard until you meet a Muslim women.Trust me, they’re pretty cool. *hair flip*..or *hijab flip* 😉 (If you think I’m implying that I’m cool, then you’re right, because I am)
-Sincerely my deep soul

Time Doesn’t Stop For You

As 2014 comes to a close, I can’t help but think of all the lost goals, lost hopes, lost moments that could have been. If I had just acted differently, different things would have happened. The path I decided to take has determined where I am now. January seems like so long ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I don’t remember what I was doing in the first few days of the year, but I do remember who I was then and who I had become.

I was lonely & ungrateful. I forgot about how lucky I was to have a loving family, great friends, an education, & health. I fell into the endless spiral of anger and began to drown myself in it. I moved away from my loved ones and I just watched them forget me. I watched as my presence wasn’t missed.

However, I forgot something. It wasn’t that they weren’t stopping for me. Time wasn’t stopping for me. The time passed and I became stubborn. I thought I was proving something to them. But I wasn’t. The only thing I proved was to myself. I proved that I was (for some odd reason) letting myself down on purpose. When it hit me, I realized how naive I was being. I couldn’t blame others for not acknowledging me when I made it clear I didn’t want to be.

As I apologized to myself, to others, I saw myself become happier. I became even closer to my loved ones and content with who I was, how I was. It only took me all of 2014 to realize that time doesn’t stop for anyone, so I can’t wait to see what 2015 teaches me.

Keep up with time, because it’s not stopping for you.

I’m the person who…

Who Am I? Well maybe this will give you some insight

  • I’m the person who… prefers imagining the could-have-beens
  • I’m the person who… prefers tv shows to books (sorry not sorry)
  • I’m the person who… takes things to heart rather quickly
  • I’m the person who… likes to ask a lot of questions
  • I’m the person who… would not be able to cook even if life depended on it (Ask the 3 burned kitchen pots..well actually don’t, that’s kind of weird)
  • I’m the person who… can be happy from the smallest of good actions
  • I’m the person who… helps everyone but doesn’t ask for help herself
  • I’m the person who… will express my emotions to anyone
  • I’m the person who… will probably tell strangers my whole life story (not creepy strangers, nice ones..obviously)
  • I’m the person who… strives for results that may be difficult to obtain
  • I’m the person who… wants to show that I’m not oppressed
  • I’m the person who… wants to make a difference for the world by motivating those I know and of course, myself

We all need motivation to achieve any goals we have